Eight Steps to Becoming a Legendary Hair Metal Guitarist
Want to become a legendary hair metal guitarist? Just follow these eight simple steps.
From fashion trends to movie remakes, the Eighties are back with a vengeance.
But are neon-colored Wayfarers and tiger-print bikinis enough to bring back the decade’s most recognizable musical period? It’s unclear at this point, but as the Boy Scouts say, let’s “be prepared.”
It’s impossible to think about Eighties rock without vibrant visuals of half-naked dudes prancing around stage wearing more makeup and hair product than a horde of groupies. Even though the period broke almost every unwritten rule of rock and roll, it became one of its most successful sub-genres.
So, what if this current Eighties revival is stronger than we realize and hair metal rises from the ashes like a Spandex and lace-clad phoenix?
You’ll have to jump on the bandwagon and tap/palm mute your way to a record deal. However, being a hair metal guitarist is much deeper than just executing signature techniques. How you look and act is just as important as how you sound.
Below are eight specific rules you’ll need to employ to become the leader of a full-fledged hair metal resurgence.
01. Smile the Entire Time You’re On Stage or Camera
One of glam or hair metal's original the genre’s first nicknames was "teeth metal" because band members smiled so much on stage. This style of rock was all about playing upbeat songs that focused on girls, cars and, well, being happy. There’s no way you can’t smile if you’re basically the Tony Robbins of rock music.
Performing a song about the best night of your life with a death stare and clenched jaw kills your credibility. Plus, a badass, I’ll-break-your-face-if-you-even-look-me-in-the-eye persona is impossible to pull off while wearing makeup and lace gloves.
Exception: Don’t smile when performing a ballad. Shed a minimum of three tears instead.
02. Guitars Must Have Custom Graphics
By the mid-Eighties, if your guitar didn’t display geometric art that utilized every color in the rainbow, you wouldn’t even be allowed to step on the stage of a high school talent show. However, don’t worry if you lack fine-art skills. You can cheat the rule by blinding fans with sparkly neon or color-shifting chameleon finishes.
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